Battalion Wars: Vlads Revenge (story) PLEASE READ AND COMMENT!

So I've been writing a story that's basically a follow on to Battalion Wars 2. I love writing stories so I decided to share this with you guys 'cuz I know you'll be honest wether you like it or not. If your not familiar with the Battalion Wars Series Click Here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battalion_Wars_2


So, here is the prolouge:

Battalion Wars 2: Vlad's Revenge

The choppy wind of the Tundran Territories blew Betty's hair across her face.

'Stop!' She screamed.

'You'll blow up the whole country!'

At the edge of a snow-laden cliff, stood Kaiser Vlad, the staff of Qa-Len in his hand.

'Why should I?' replied the Kaiser. 'With all the power in this staff, my Mining Spider will be indestrucable!'

Behind him climbed a monsterous beast of cyborg and metal. The Mining Spider stood 100ft in the air, ready to consume the power of the staff.
Behind Brigadier Betty came Commander Pierce Of the Anglo Isles, Emperess Lei-Qo of the Solar Empire and Marshall Nova of the Tunran Territories.
Pierce gaped.

'But I thought we destroyed the Mining Spider!?' he said in fear.

The Kaiser grinned.

'You thought wrong, young weakling.' He pointed the staff at Pierce. A bolt of green lightning hit him in the chest. The Anglo fell to the ground, dead.

'Pierce!' Screamed Batty.
She got on her knees and checked his pulse. Nothing.

'Grunts,' said Betty. 'Take him home, now.'
The band of grunts that had followed Pierce slung their rifles on here back and carried their leader back to the air-transports.

Vlad grinned.
*ZAPP*
The grunts fell into the snow. Betty and Nova drew their guns.

' You go too far Vlad!' Said Nova.

'Frankily,' started the Kaiser. 'I don't think I go far enough. Grunts, bind them up!'
From all directions jumpd Xylvanian grunts. Within seconds, Betty, Nova and Lei-Qo were bound and gaged.

'Better.Much Better.' laughed the Kaiser.

'Now, watch my Mining Spider gain allmighty power!'
Kaiser Vlad pointed the staff at the Spider. It grew, and grew, and grew.

'Excellent.' Muttered Kaiser. 'Grunts, throw them in the air-transports! I want them to witness the'r Nations fall!'
The grunts obeyed their orders, and threrw them into the Xylvanian Air-craft. The Kaiser jumped on the Mining Spider.
'Go my friend, let us show them who is in charge!' The Mining Spider leaped into the air and flew off, with the Air-Transports not far behind.

Back on Tundran ground, The Anglo inhabitants bodies were slowly being buried in the snow.

Please comment! Advice is welcome!